I started writing the script for our film a couple of days ago, in Final Draft. So far I have simply been focussing on writing, and not formatting or the correct style of writing. I just want to write ideas down, so that I don't forget them, and intend to leave the editing and tweaking till later. I think I will do this with the first draft of the script and then will make sure it is professional/industry standard in the subsequent drafts.
"STUCK"
·
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - BEDROOM DEPARTMENT - DAY.
A man lays on his front, in a messy bed. His face is
squashed against the mattress and he looks slightly worse for wear. His eyes
open and he blearily surveys his surroundings. He is surprised to notice a
female laying beside him. He appears to be pleased with himself, and lifts a
cowboy hat up to reveal more of the woman’s face. He is visibly not pleased
with what he see’s, but continues to lift the blanket up to view the woman’s
body. He puts the blanket down and slowly tries to ease his arm out from beneath
her. He finally manages to get up and tries to quietly exit the bedroom,
wearing only boxers, a neckachief and cowboy boots. He rubs his head puzzled as
to his surroundings, and it is revealed that they are in a department store. He
walks towards the door and see’s that the metal grate is down. He groans.
WOMAN:
Are you
buggering off then?
MAN:
Err, no I was
just gonna get us breakfast but it’s locked.
WOMAN:
(She groans)
Ahh bugger.
WOMAN frantically searches for phone.
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
It’s dead. What
about yours?
·
Man walks around dazed.
MAN:
Huh? What?
WOMAN:
Your phone.
MAN:
Oh, yeah. Er, I
don’t actually have a phone.
WOMAN:
What? Well,
that’s great.
MAN:
Someone will
come for us.
WOMAN sighs wearily. She gets up with the duvet still wrapped
around her. She stops in her tracks. Her eyes widen at the sight of the MAN in
his boxers. She quickly diverts her gaze. The man laughs and walks out of the
bedroom setting. The woman follows, hot on his heels; dropping the duvet on the
bed. She is bare foot.
WOMAN:
Where are you
going?
MAN:
To the toilet.
·
The two walk through a bathroom suite
WOMAN:
You’re in the
right place - Haha!
MAN:
Yep.
The Man looks around, trying to ignore the Woman.
MAN: (CONT’D)
Where are they?
WOMAN:
Not a clue. Maybe
they don’t have any. How ironic would that be? A bathroom store with no
bathrooms!
The woman chuckles to herself absentmindedly. Her eyes never
stray from the Man, who begins to walk away in another direction. The Woman
follows.
MAN:
Well firstly, it’s
a department store, and secondly they have to have toilets.
WOMAN:
·Well, yeah but
it doesn’t sound as funny when you put it like that: a department store with no
bathrooms. It doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?
Man is silent. He carries on walking. The woman admires his
buttocks from behind, as he walks.
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
Anyway, if they
do have toilets they’re probably locked.
The Man turns to face the woman.
MAN:
Shit. Do you
reckon?
The Woman is pleased that the Man is engaging in some form
of conversation. She leans into him in a shifty manner.
WOMAN:
(In terrible
faux East end accent) Word on the street is security locks ‘em up after hours.
It’s like bloody Fort Knox in there.
The Woman creases up with laughter, the Man however looks
slightly scared.
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
·I’m pretty good
with impressions. I actually went to drama school when I was younger. Barry
from Eastenders taught there a few times. Claim to fame right there.
The Woman giggles. The man looks blank.
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
·Oh, Barry’s the
one who got pushed off the cliff by Janine. You might know him from Extras as
well, with Ricky Gervais.
MAN:
·Don’t tell me
you watch that crap.
WOMAN:
·When it comes to
soaps I have no shame. Extra’s is brilliant though! You should definitely watch
it.
MAN:
I’m OK thanks.
WOMAN:
Suit yourself.
The MAN walks off and locates the toilets.
MAN: (O.S.)
They’re open.
Thank God.
WOMAN:
Oh great! That’s
good. Very happy for you and your bladder.
The woman laughs and begins to wonder around outside the
toilet. She looks around the store thoughtfully. Her eyes fix on a security
camera. She begins to shout through the door at the MAN.
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
Jeeze, I’ve just
had a thought. Do you think we could get arrested for being in here? They’ve got
camera’s and things. Can you remember how we even got in here? I can’t.
The WOMAN carries on walking/looking around the area near
the toilet
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
That won’t stand
up in court: Sorry your honour I was a bit pissed, actually. Oh God, I’m claustrophobic.
I can’t be put in a prison cell. Oh God. What do we do!?
Suddenly the woman omits a terrifying scream. The MAN looks
shocked in the toilet and runs outside to see what the commotion is. The woman
has walked backwards into a model of Santa Claus.
MAN:
What’s wrong?!
The MAN takes in the situation, sighs wearily and rolls his
eyes.
WOMAN: (DEFENSIVELY)
Sorry! St. Nick
scared the living daylights out of me!
MAN:
Look, how about
we just... I dunno, try to sleep more. I’ve got a splitting headache and we’re
clearly not getting out of here for a while. God knows what security are up to.
He eyes the camera suspiciously.
MAN: (CONT’D)
Let’s just sleep
it off.
WOMAN:
You’re right.
We’d have been chucked out by now if security were gonna do anything... Which
is even more reason for us to have a laugh!
The MAN rubs his forehead resignedly.
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
Come on, don’t
tell me this wasn’t your dream as a kid. To be locked in a place like this.
It’s frickin’ AWESOME! We might as well make the most of it.
MAN:
Nah, honestly I
need to sleep. I’m not pissing around in the dark in a department store. It’s a
bit weird.
WOMAN:
Stop being such
an old man.
The MAN shrugs.
MAN:
I’m gonna sleep.
The WOMAN shoots the MAN a look of contempt and
stalks off towards the toilets. The man yawns and turns to walk back to the
bed. Whilst he is on his way a strip of lights turn on at the far end of the
store, and then every other strip after that until the store is illuminated. Suddenly, the sound of a voice-over bellows out.
SHOP VOICEOVER:
GET DOWN TO THE
STORE THIS WEEKEND! We’ve cut prices by over 50% on a range of kitchen,
bathroom and bedroom fittings, all with free delivery and installation! And shop
till you drop on Saturday because we’re open 10am till Midnight! We’ll see you
her-
The sound cuts off and the WOMAN
runs out of an office located next to the toilets.
WOMAN:
Found the
lights! Brilliant. Now we don’t have to “piss around” in the dark, as you so
eloquently put it. Come on. It’s a once in a life time opportunity!
She grabs the MAN’s hand.
WOMAN: (CONT’D)
(Order)
COME ON!
MAN:
Alright, fine.
·
WOMAN:
Oh but first of
all, put some clothes on (woman adopts faux cockney accent once more) you
SHLAG.
The MAN laughs genuinely for the first time.
We made the decision to not name the characters throughout the entirety of the short film, because we wanted to solely focus on their relationship together, and not on their identity in the outside world. It adds to the bubble that they are in for the short period of time whilst they're stuck. Incidentally, "Stuck" is the working title, but we are not too happy with this name, and intend to change it soon, when we can think of something more appropriate and interesting.
We wanted to make the female character keen and bubbly, and to show that she was in awe of the man, and so that is why in her dialogue she often babbles on nervously about unimportant matters, and tries to impress him by making him laugh etc. when she talks to the him. We intended for him, on the other hand, to be arrogant, distant, cool and slightly hipster-ish, which is why we kept his dialogue short and succinct and came up with the idea of him not having a mobile phone. We are not sure whether this is very realistic, or if it necessarily works, and so may end up rewriting it.
I also included the dialogue of the Store Voice Over to give some context, as it goes some way to explaining how the two characters came about being locked in a department store . I.E. the voice over says that there is late night shopping, and so explains as to why the couple could have drunkenly stumbled into the store during their night out.
Characters:
In writing short film scripts, Paul Kooperman (Kooperman, 2009, p.7) writes that each short film plot/narrative should be able to be explained in terms of:
- Characters
- Goals
- Actions
- Obstacles
- Central Dramatic Questions
Kooperman gives an example of a brief short film synopsis, which addressed all of the bullet-pointed features above. I have attempted to write a synopsis for our film and have also tried to address these features.
______________________________________________________________________________
A woman in her early/mid twenties
(Character) uses the situation of being trapped in a department store, to her
advantage. She wants to get to know the attractive man (Character) that she is
locked in with, a little better and, ultimately, wants to have a good time
(Goal). She has the opportunity that a lot of people don't usually get; the
chance to bond with their one night stand.
The man, (also
in his early/mid twenties) however, is not so enthusiastic, and wants to find a way to escape the situation. He is not interested in making
small talk and larking about, (Obstacle) but the woman doesn't take no for an
answer and cajoles him into having fun with her by playing around in the different
store departments. (Action/determined to pursue goal)
The man and
the woman eventually get into some heated arguments, and scold each other for
various reasons. Their ups and downs, matched with the domestic surroundings,
inspire the pair to daydream the possible outcomes of their relationship; daydreams
which they base on the typical couple-centred, familial scenarios found in popular
TV genres.
Their
imaginations create both rose tinted, and tainted, hostile futures, for the two
of them; accurately matching the present dynamic of their relationship. After some
exciting flirtations, and nasty tiffs, the woman realises she is no longer
enamored with the man; yet the man begins to gain respect for her and tries to make more of an
effort.
The two finally reconcile and at the crux of the situation, where we find ourselves asking: is there any hope for their relationship? - and - Will the woman take up the mans offer of getting some breakfast? (Central dramatic question[s]) - The Department store reopens, and these questions are left unanswered.
The two finally reconcile and at the crux of the situation, where we find ourselves asking: is there any hope for their relationship? - and - Will the woman take up the mans offer of getting some breakfast? (Central dramatic question[s]) - The Department store reopens, and these questions are left unanswered.
External and Internal Goals (Kooperman, 2009, p.8)
WOMAN
External: to get the man to have a laugh and mess around in the department store settings, with him.
Internal: as she is a bit of a romantic, it's to flirt with, and get to know the man properly, and potentially (in the long term) to fall in love.
MAN
External: to leave the vicinity or somehow escape from the woman.
Internal: to avoid making conversation and getting to know the woman, as he is not used to getting close to women; just sleeping with them.
Thus the pairs goals are conflicting, BUT the difference with our plot is that the character's priorities shift and thus their goals change based on their interactions and dialogue with one another. Due to this, the protagonist/hero and antagonist/antihero, also changes throughout the narrative, and so sometimes the audience empathises with one character, but then, in the next scene, empathises with the other.
At the moment we, as a group, know that the different imagination sequences are going to be personal to each character, and so it is likely that at this point, the audience will experience things as if from that particular character's point of view, and therefore that character will be the protagonist. For example, during the 1950's sitcom styled scene, the audience will be positive about the situation/relationship, as the woman is also very positive about it at this point, too. Whereas in the man's day dream, the woman is talking incessantly and monotonously, and the audience may empathise with him for having to endure the painstaking boredom.
_____________________________________________________________________________
The aims of our short film is to elicit an emotional response from the audience; entertaining or amusing them (Kooperman, 2009, p.7) but also to enable them to identify with the characters through their realistic interactions and colloquial dialogue.
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